One of the things you should probably put on your "To Do" list is to make sure your Bifidobacterium colony is doing well. Are those little guys healthy and busy at their jobs?
Allow me to explain. Back when I was studying microbiology in medical school, almost none of the curriculum covered bacteria in our intestines. Oh, we knew they were there, but the thinking went something like this: "Hell yeah! Lots of bacteria down there. But it's poop, for God's sake. How important can it be?”
Treatment options for bowel problems were simple. Add some fiber to your diet. If that didn't work, try a little Pepto-Bismol. My mom believed in Pepto-Bismol. Mom figured if the pink stuff didn't cure you, at least medical science had taken its best shot.
It turns out we were wrong about all those bacteria swirling around in our nether regions. Some brave soul actually studied the disgusting activity going on down there. They found out that about 3,000 different kinds of bacteria live in the average bowel, with approximately 38 trillion of them packed in there tighter than the seats in Peasant Class on Spirit Airlines. Let us take a moment to thank the selfless researcher who held their breath long enough to count all those bacteria.
It turns out our "gut biome”, which is what medical people call all these bacteria, does many amazing things besides make farts. They even control our very thoughts and actions through something called the "brain-immune-gut axis”. Now the next time a cop tries to give you a traffic ticket, you can tell them the Faecalibacterium in your large intestine told you to blow through the stop sign.
There are several other important jobs your gut biome must carry out. For instance, all those bacteria help digest things you eat that would not ordinarily be digestible, like Milk Duds or Hostess Twinkies.
You should be aware that sometimes, things go wrong with the terribly complex processes taking place down there below your belly button, in which case you might have what doctors call "dysbiosis". This means all hell has broken loose in your large intestine and you have utterly destroyed your gut biome through neglect or too many Hot Flaming Cheetos, and Pepto isn’t going to cut it any more.
In this case, the doctor may say something nobody ever wants to hear: "Hey! You have dysbiosis! You need a fecal transplant!”
A fecal transplant is exactly as disgusting as you think it is. But it might be the only way to get all those bacteria down in your colon working again. Dogs discovered this therapeutic miracle long before the medical experts did. The next time your pooch rummages in the grass for those Tootsie Stools left by all the cats in the neighborhood, know that they are just trying to keep their bowel healthy and happy.
Although this seems like a very easy and organic way to solve the problem of dysbiosis, many humans have decided it would be better to just go ahead and rip their bowel out entirely rather than do such a thing.
Luckily for us, scientists found they can take some poop from somebody whose gut biome is working fine…somebody who is apparently desperate to make some extra income… and put it in a capsule for you to swallow. And soon your gut biome will be back, good as new.
So take care of your gut biome. And if you suddenly find yourself in need of a fecal transplant, be thankful somebody thought to use capsules. Try not to chew them. I suggest you take the capsules with about a gallon of water, or better yet, a little Pepto.